For many, divorce is a new experience. Plenty of people marry -- and divorce -- more than once. But it would be a mistake to assume that because
someone's been divorced once, the feelings, events, and experiences that follow a second divorce are passť. In fact, although you may be better
informed, more savvy, and more able to handle the practicalities of a break-up, a second divorce may be even more emotionally traumatic than a first.
One way or another, many of your feelings are no doubt quite "normal" -- the sort of reactions that anyone in your position will experience.
In many ways, your reactions may resemble those of someone who has just been widowed. You may be grief-stricken, anxious about how you'll live
from now on, and perhaps angry, guilty, depressed, or all three. You'll almost certainly feel apprehensive about having to handle many of the tasks of
living with which you may have little or no experience, or may have taken for granted. Unlike the widowed, however, you still having a living ex-spouse
who will almost certainly cross your path frequently in the months immediately following the decision to divorce, and perhaps well beyond that even if
you don't have children.
The impact of divorce, then, shouldn't be underestimated. Even in a day and culture where the breakdown of marriages is commonplace and divorce an
accepted occurrence, marriage is still sacrosanct -- weddings are still built upon oaths of commitment, and marriages are still legally and emotionally
binding. Even the most cynical go into marriage with the expectation and hope that this will be the "right" one, developing a life together on the basis
that this relationship is permanent. Accordingly, it's serious business when the marriage falls apart.
The circumstances of your particular divorce are dependent on the context of your life, your marriage, and your own particular emotional make up.
Nevertheless, you're not the first person whose marriage has ended in a divorce. Take heart in the fact that most people going through divorce
experience the same sort of emotions as you, face the same sort of challenges, and pass through the same sort of process as they work through the
trauma, trial, and tribulations of divorce. And they come out the other side in one piece. Nevertheless, divorce work is difficult. It's about loss, change,
and often, self esteem -- a powerful combination of forces.
Seek help whenever you find yourself feeling especially pained, vulnerable, or lost. A support network -- family and friends -- is important during your
divorce work, but even so, this might not be enough. If you find the emotional process especially difficult to deal with, seek help from a therapist, divorce
counselor, trained clergy, or divorce support group. Under any circumstances, if you're concerned about the legal and practical issues seek out an
experienced divorce attorney or mediator.
Copyright 2007-2014, Stephanie Burchell, PhD, LMFT Dallas, Texas
All rights reserved.
Marriage Counseling Dallas I Couples Therapy I Pre-Marital Counseling I Family Therapy I Life Coach I Psychotherapy
Stephanie Burchell, PhD, LMFT, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Counselor, Psychotherapist and Life Coach in Dallas, TX provides marriage counseling,
pre-marital counseling and preparation, relationship counseling, life coaching, and individual psychotherapy.
Dallas marriage counseling, couples therapy, premarital preparation, family therapy, divorce, psychotherapy, depression, anxiety, life coach
marriage & couples counseling
stephanie burchell, PhD, LMFT
2317 Routh Street, Ste. C, Dallas, TX 75201
(214) 534 - 6177 - DrSBurchell@hotmail.com
The following article is provided by Phil Rich, Ed.D., MSW
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